Random conversations with my Inner Child

Me: Hey little me, its big me can ask you something?



Inner Child: BITCH WHY YOU NO HOT POCKET?

Me:Whoa wait what?
Hot pockets are fattening... anyway i wanted to-

Inner Child: Sorry cant hear you over the sound of NO HOT POCKET!!!

Me: Uh... k, but anyway i wanted to know something and your the only person who can help me.

Inner Child:....

Me: What?

Inner Child: Candy...

Me: Pardon?

Inner Child: I want candy...

Me: Bad for your teeth...

Inner Child: Gummi savers....

Me: No... its almost 10pm.. im not running out to the stor-

Inner Child: Then you've already lost me...

Me: Fine....

10 minutes later...

Me: There happy?

Inner Child: .....

Me: What now?

Inner Child: Did you ... just not even try to hit puberty?

Me: WHAT?

Inner Child: Seriously... do i just... not get any boobs at all...

Me: You little Bitch! I have Boobs!!! Theres nothin wrong with the-

Inner Child: *AHEM* What boobs... geez do you get mistaken for a boy sometimes if you put on pants?

Me: What the fuck?
Why are you being mean to me?

Inner Child: Im sorry but its so hard to concentrate on the conversation at hand when a whiny flat chested little bitch is in here trying ot ask me stupid ass questions when im trying ot enjoy my gummi savers...

Me: ....

Inner Child: You mad?

Me: Fuck you.. i'll kill you?

Inner Child: Oh so your going the route of suicide?

Me: ..... Wait....
.....
.......
.........

Inner Child: Take your time....

Me: ....
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

THIS ISNT OVER DAMMIT!!!!!
*POOFS*

Inner Child: Oh boy...

Me: Ok i'm back

Inner Child: Geez.. already?
Booo lets play some games!

Me: No, i really want to ask you something!!!

Inner Child: Ugh... if i answer whatever question you have can i play games then?

Me: Maybe...

Inner child: Maybe means no last i checked...

Me: Fine yes... geez...

Inner Child: Alrightie.... what the hell do you want?

Me: So... do i have any repressed childhood memories i dont know about?

Inner Child: You kidding?
Theres a SHIT load of of fucked up shit back here...

Me: Really?

Inner Child: Nope!

Me: DUDE!

Inner Child meh... theres a few... nothing to serious though...

Me: define serious...

Inner Child: Well besides tha tone time on halloween night i can safely say you werent raped, molested, or abused as a child...
Though Mom...
Man she was a dick...
Maybe thats why im such a bitch now.

Me: You are a tad bit of a bitch...

Inner Child: Oh ho, Bitch calling the kettle black.

Me: That doesnt make sense

Inner Child: BITCH YOU DONT MAKE SENSE!!!
Seriously... your one to talk Ye of the child bearing hips, why you decide to have so many meal tickets?

Me: What? children are a blessing!

Inner Child: PPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTT Oh gog *Laughs out loud*
Wait... oh shit your serious?
Wait... i need ot laugh louder then!!!

Me: Oh fuck you...

Inner Child: Wonder if that would count as incest or self fucking...

Me: Eh?

Inner Child: Never mind...
Hear that... thats the sound of the joke going right over your head.

Me: I... i get it...

Inner Child: Really?
Bitch... you suck a lying...
ANYWAY, Deals a deal, time for some games

Me: Gee... suddenly i dont feel like playing any games.

Inner Child: BITCH
GAMES NOW!!!

Me: Im sorry i cant hear you over the sound of the grown up me being in control of this body... so.... yeah....

Inner Child: eh heh heh heh...
fine... bet that attitude will change when you need to act all cutesy so Jeremy will get you stuff...

Me: .....
Whoa whoa whoa... wait maybe i wsa a little to hasty!

Inner Child: Uh huh...
*Poofs*

Me: Dude Wait!!!
Seriously Come back!!!
Games are coming out soon and you know it!!!!
.....
God Dammit....
*poofs*

Inner Child: HA!!!

Me: What?

Inner Child: See they think your going crazy...

Me: There just kidding...

Inner Child: Pfft... its the looney bin for you...

Me: Shut up...

Inner child: ha... anyway... friends of yours?

Me: Yeah

Inner Child: Loser...

Me: You say something?

Inner Child: dude seriously... if these are your only friends i fear for your sanity...

Me: Well.. im here talking to myself...

Inner Child: Good point...
anyway... you need real friends...

Me: I have real friends >.>

Inner Child: Really?

Me: Yeah
*looks over shoulder*
See those three bitches eating up my DAMN food are my friends

Inner Child: Wait there our friends?
All ya'll do is scream and argue and call each other bitch all the time...

Me: Yeah, so?

Inner Child: ....
O...k... anyway about those hot pockets...

Me: No...

Inner Child: Dammit...
I NEED FOOD DAMMIT!!!

Me: WE JUST ate like half an hour ago.

Inner Child: Yeah that nasty as healthy meals you keep making, wheres the junk food!!?

Me: You just had gummi savers....

Inner Child: Yeah we need more of those...

Me: NO
its freaking 10:31 im not leaving the house again.

Inner ChilD: Dammit again...
Oh look one of the brats are here... i'll let you get to that...
*poofs*

Me: Uh huh...

As a black guy, if i try this i might rob myself